Oh, messy life...

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I broke up with her…

I was in 6th grade maybe…

I dated this girl, well, I don’t know if you can call it that. We weren’t even old enough to drive, and it only lasted a month or so. I remember saying yes. “Would you be my boyfriend?” Her eyes we’re so soft as she said the words. I remember not being able to say no. I thought maybe it would be a good thing, she seemed nice enough. But it wasn’t all that great. There was a lot of pressure for me to be her boyfriend. Her friends would always come up to me, “Hey so when are you going to hang out with her.” “You know she really likes you,” “So what do you really think about her?” It was as if I was dating her AND all of her friends. It was just too weird for me. But towards the end she told me she had a twin sister, she would call me pretending to be her. Hell maybe she DID have a sister, I never knew/found out. 

I called her to break up with her, I remember it was kind of hard for me to do. She was crying on the phone, I think? I don’t know if she was just faking the sobs, it was a really weird situation. Oh by the way one of her friends was on the phone while it was happening, because she thought it would be a good idea to pick up the other phone in the house while we were talking. “YOU CALLED HER TO BREAK UP WITH HER!? SHE DOESN’T DESERVE YOU JERK!!!” Maybe if we had a chance to actually talk we might have lasted longer.

But…

I saw her maybe 5 years ago at a party. I remember her hair looking really nice, like she took a lot of time with it. Her eyeliner made her eyes pop, she also had a little blush on I think, anyway, she looked amazing. I can’t remember if we talked or not, I was pretty drunk. I think I apologized for not giving her/us a chance. I could be making this up though. I just remember her walking into the room where all the drinks were. They sat on a table in an open kitchen, the party was going on in other rooms. I stood there fixing myself a drink when she walked in.

Damn I wish I could remember if I said anything to her.

I remember her from that night exactly.

She looked really pretty…

Filed under drunk times old relationship

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I don’t understand…

How can I say I’m over her. It came back to me in a flash.

We were sitting on her couch at her house. It was a little worn in, the original yellow color had dulled to a pale state. We sat in front of a small TV that was off. It sat in front of a window to avoid that annoying glare that would shine in the afternoons. The room was medium sized, and had just been cleaned. It was a lazy day, no plans to do anything, just me and her sitting there.

I sat in a slouched position, my hand cradling my head, and she was laid across me. Her head was resting in my lap, she was listing to the sounds of kids outside. They sounded happy to be out of school for the day. She looked at me, “I’m sorry, I know this is boring…” I loved how she looked at me. I spoke in a lazy manner, “I actually enjoy sitting here with you doing nothing. I look forward to this now and then haha.” She was still looking at me. “I love you.” Three words, every time she said them she made me feel like I was worthy of having love. I leaned in for a kiss, it was awkward leaning over in such a position but it bothered me none.

^Why is it that this had to fucking end. Why couldn’t I just have this a little longer. She left me. I tell people it was a mutual decision all the time, but the truth is she left me.

SHE left me.

She LEFT me.

She left ME.

It doesn’t matter how you say it, it hurts all the same.

Filed under relationship break up love love gone wrong